Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Done.
With one of the biggest milestones of the teenage years accomplished (High School Graduation)... I don't feel much different, except for some cash in my pocket & some cake in my tummy. Maybe because I've basically been done with school for a month now.. Maybe it's because I'm just ready to move on to bigger and better things.. Or maybe it's because after the past two years.. High school has meant nothing to . Either way.. the sadness of never seeing the majority of the kids in my graduating class never once reached me... my eyes never welled up, nor did my throat start to close nor my voice start to crack. Instead, I felt thrilled to leave the prison I've spent the last 4 years of my life encaged in and ecstatic to depart from the company of the immature, obnoxious children that I have had the dishonor of having to deal with. This being said.. I'm glad it's over and I'm ready to move on to bigger and better things. This might not be the case in time, but I will cross that hurdle when I come to it. Next step: (real) College & I cannot wait. August 25: Please hurry!
Only Time Can Tell
Have you ever wondered why certain people come into your life.. Some to better it, and others to make you stronger. This has been a prevalent thought that has been shuffling through my mind quite often these days. Three weeks or so ago I started talking to someone... Not your typical male to approach a 18 year old girl & give them their number.. Not thinking much of it I got up the courage to text this person figuring it would be nice to have a simple conversation with someone new. Little did I know that that conversation would escalate into what it has. From getting to know one another to casual dates, feelings becoming involved, an issue of time and commitment. Many would call this summer fling a recipe for disaster (which it might be) but I am young so I'll do as my heart desires. At times, I feel bad but that's only natural.. feeling like the barrier between a healthy and non-healthy relationship. Other times, I don't as I'm told "You make me happy, everyone deserves that right?" Knowing that there's that one guy that is completely in love (and obsessed) with me, he feels bad too, knowing we cannot be commitedly together due to the circumstances. Still, we make what we can out of the situation, enjoying each other's company night and day alike. What this relationship (if you can even call it that) will prove to be.. Only time can tell
Monday, February 28, 2011
Senioritis
This crippling disease has various symptoms but most generally includes the following: an indifferent, smug attitude, unwarranted laziness, lack of studying, procrastination, repeated absences and/or tardies, pranks and a change in apparel leading to excessive donning of comfy sweat pants and unbrushed hair.
As I get closer and closer to the end, I realize I am getting farther and farther from finishing. Having already gotten into the school of my choice, I have started to slack in school more than I am able to redeem myself from. Not turning in assignments, not participating in class, not going to class.. All things that will come to haunt me at the end of th year that is fast approaching. That being said, I honestly don't have the motivation to dig myself out of this deathly deep hole I've gotten myself into. The overachiever turned bare minimum worker. What a shame...Hoping my school of choice doesn't retract their invitation into their Graduating Class of 2015 once they see my grades for senior year. Failing calc.. possibly twice... A D in biology? (if I'm lucky) and I don't even know what to think of in the world lit realm.Oh how I need assistance.. a tutor maybe? the help of God? I don't even know if that would help me at this point..
As I get closer and closer to the end, I realize I am getting farther and farther from finishing. Having already gotten into the school of my choice, I have started to slack in school more than I am able to redeem myself from. Not turning in assignments, not participating in class, not going to class.. All things that will come to haunt me at the end of th year that is fast approaching. That being said, I honestly don't have the motivation to dig myself out of this deathly deep hole I've gotten myself into. The overachiever turned bare minimum worker. What a shame...Hoping my school of choice doesn't retract their invitation into their Graduating Class of 2015 once they see my grades for senior year. Failing calc.. possibly twice... A D in biology? (if I'm lucky) and I don't even know what to think of in the world lit realm.Oh how I need assistance.. a tutor maybe? the help of God? I don't even know if that would help me at this point..
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Apologies
Ohh Wilbur..
How I am so sorry about what has happened over the last week! You don't know how much it hurts me to sit there and watch them stab and cut and pry into your dead, smelling body. How your horrible odor makes me want to hurl, but it's ok because I know you can't help that. Were you still alive, you wouldn't smell so body. I know it must not be pleasant to be tied spread eagle to that pan for hours at a time, but you know this situation isn't so thrilling for me either. The look on your unborn face is just so sad, and don't even get me started on having to examine your privates. I feel like a rapist, the scum of the Earth. I wish you were still alive Wilbur, I mean what a shame. You didn't even make it to the slaughterhouse to be made into delicious bacon for me to enjoy. You didn't amount to much at all, just a toy for some teenagers to pull apart & make jokes at. I don't know how you can live with yourself...Oh wait, you're dead. Oops. Well anyways, how sad you never got the chance to meet your parents.. I wonder if your siblings are the other piglets we're dissecting. Maybe you all had some bad luck and all were killed before you were even born...maybe you can relate to those kids in China. How unfortunate. Well, I guess I'll be seeing you again soon Wilbur, minus one tooth and a toe, along will a broken jaw.
Your bacon deprived friend,
Lily
Your bacon deprived friend,
Lily
Realizations
In the midst of having a conversation with one of my (few) close friends, I came to realize I am in love. Really, truly in love.
While complaining about my boyfriend's (who shall remain nameless at this point in time) concentration on his studies (and not on me) at the moment, my friend asked "Are you having withdrawls?" I realized that, yes, I was. As much as this is against my self-determination, the fact is true & there is close to nothing that I can do about it. Especially since the feeling is mutual & it being true even more so in his behalf. I really do not know what to do about this considering: 1. He, himself, is away at college (about 4 hours away from my current place of residence) 2. I, myself, will be off at college in a matter of 6 months (a span of 8 hours between our respective schools) and 3. For me, college is a new beginning, a place to break all ties away from your hometown, start fresh & invent yourself . The timing for all this is just horrible at the moment. Had this had happened one, maybe two years ago I would have been ecstatic. But now is just not a good time.
What to do? What to do? I just don't know.
While complaining about my boyfriend's (who shall remain nameless at this point in time) concentration on his studies (and not on me) at the moment, my friend asked "Are you having withdrawls?" I realized that, yes, I was. As much as this is against my self-determination, the fact is true & there is close to nothing that I can do about it. Especially since the feeling is mutual & it being true even more so in his behalf. I really do not know what to do about this considering: 1. He, himself, is away at college (about 4 hours away from my current place of residence) 2. I, myself, will be off at college in a matter of 6 months (a span of 8 hours between our respective schools) and 3. For me, college is a new beginning, a place to break all ties away from your hometown, start fresh & invent yourself . The timing for all this is just horrible at the moment. Had this had happened one, maybe two years ago I would have been ecstatic. But now is just not a good time.
What to do? What to do? I just don't know.
Lily Rose
A dream is a form of thinking that occurs when there is a certain, as yet undetermined, minimal level of brain activation. People have some of the most random dreams, especially during the teenager years. I don't think I've ever had a more descriptive, detail filled dream in my life. It was about three days ago when I woke up wondering why such a thing would make itself apparent in my subconscious mind. Having a vivid flashback of a story that seemed to span over years, all in one night's dream... Here is how it all started...
For two weeks straight I'd woken up running straight for the bathroom, hoping to make it without hurling all over the place. This morning was no different, I just knew this bug would be gone soon, hopefully sooner than later. But HE was convinced that it was not the bug at all, HE was convinced I was pregnant. "You are crazy there is no way," I argued every time the matter was brought up. Making up an excuse to go to the store that morning, HE made his way out of the house & returned with not one, but two pregnancy tests. Being the happily engaged and all I figured it would do no harm in taking the test & making him happy. So I took the boxes, opened them up, read the instructions & so forth.. after the longest five minutes or so of my life, I read the test. A smiley face.. See I wans't pregnant... Now off to go rub it in HIS face. While blabbing about how I knew is wasn't possible.. blah blah blah... HE took me in his arms & kissed me "We're having a baby sweetheart," he said. "WHAT?" I exclaimed, a smiley face means your pregnant. I ran in the bathroom again, quickly taking the other test & the fact was confirmed. I was having a baby.
Hand in hand, we went to every doctor's visit, parenting class, & birthing class together, beyond anxious to discover if we were having a boy or a girl. I wanted a girl & HE wanted a boy of course. Deciding not to choose names until our first glance at the precious newborn. Finally the day came, betting on our opposing sexes, $20 for me if it was a girl, $20 for him if it wasn't. Finally the time came, and we were having a girl. I couldn't have been more proud, more excited than ever for the birth of my first child. HE was excited too though, out of the corner of my eye I could see HIS beaming smile.
A week or so before the due date, I was at home just sitting around watching the usual chick flick on Lifetime, when I started to have these horrible pains, almost to the point of being unbearable. I called for HIM, telling him that I thought it was time. So HE helped me to the car, where my bags were already packed & we made it to the hospital in record time. Nurses were at the Emergency entrance waiting for me as we pulled up, while they helped me into a wheelchair, I realized how nervous I was, but also exited, as well as anxious about seeing my new baby girl. They contractions were getting stronger and stronger as they became closer together. I told the don't doctor I needed drugs, very strong drugs because the baby was coming. While the doctor went off to get a few things ready for the birth, HE took my hand & told me "I couldn't be more scared, excited, anxious, happy, and pretty much every other emotion possible to be having this baby right now, but it couldn't be with a more better woman than you. I love you." I was truly touched, and with that, the doctor returned and said it was time. HE took my hand and didn't let go. From there, I pushed & breathed like I'd practiced so many time before. The routine was so ingrained in my mind, that it seemed the birth was just as easy as the rehearsals. In what seemed like no time, she came out more beautiful than imagined. The perfect combination of genes my eyes have ever pictured. She was perfect, beautiful, amazing. She was Lily Rose Padgett.
For two weeks straight I'd woken up running straight for the bathroom, hoping to make it without hurling all over the place. This morning was no different, I just knew this bug would be gone soon, hopefully sooner than later. But HE was convinced that it was not the bug at all, HE was convinced I was pregnant. "You are crazy there is no way," I argued every time the matter was brought up. Making up an excuse to go to the store that morning, HE made his way out of the house & returned with not one, but two pregnancy tests. Being the happily engaged and all I figured it would do no harm in taking the test & making him happy. So I took the boxes, opened them up, read the instructions & so forth.. after the longest five minutes or so of my life, I read the test. A smiley face.. See I wans't pregnant... Now off to go rub it in HIS face. While blabbing about how I knew is wasn't possible.. blah blah blah... HE took me in his arms & kissed me "We're having a baby sweetheart," he said. "WHAT?" I exclaimed, a smiley face means your pregnant. I ran in the bathroom again, quickly taking the other test & the fact was confirmed. I was having a baby.
Hand in hand, we went to every doctor's visit, parenting class, & birthing class together, beyond anxious to discover if we were having a boy or a girl. I wanted a girl & HE wanted a boy of course. Deciding not to choose names until our first glance at the precious newborn. Finally the day came, betting on our opposing sexes, $20 for me if it was a girl, $20 for him if it wasn't. Finally the time came, and we were having a girl. I couldn't have been more proud, more excited than ever for the birth of my first child. HE was excited too though, out of the corner of my eye I could see HIS beaming smile.
A week or so before the due date, I was at home just sitting around watching the usual chick flick on Lifetime, when I started to have these horrible pains, almost to the point of being unbearable. I called for HIM, telling him that I thought it was time. So HE helped me to the car, where my bags were already packed & we made it to the hospital in record time. Nurses were at the Emergency entrance waiting for me as we pulled up, while they helped me into a wheelchair, I realized how nervous I was, but also exited, as well as anxious about seeing my new baby girl. They contractions were getting stronger and stronger as they became closer together. I told the don't doctor I needed drugs, very strong drugs because the baby was coming. While the doctor went off to get a few things ready for the birth, HE took my hand & told me "I couldn't be more scared, excited, anxious, happy, and pretty much every other emotion possible to be having this baby right now, but it couldn't be with a more better woman than you. I love you." I was truly touched, and with that, the doctor returned and said it was time. HE took my hand and didn't let go. From there, I pushed & breathed like I'd practiced so many time before. The routine was so ingrained in my mind, that it seemed the birth was just as easy as the rehearsals. In what seemed like no time, she came out more beautiful than imagined. The perfect combination of genes my eyes have ever pictured. She was perfect, beautiful, amazing. She was Lily Rose Padgett.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
A Little Background
Because most of you on the World Wide Web don't know much (if any) about me I figured I'd better give a little background about me; therefore you would understand more fully the situations in my life. Well to start, I currently have 17 years and about 10 months of life under my belt. I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere, which in unfortunate, considering I have the heart of a city girl. Sadly, I come from a ridiculously religious family which is quite a shame because my spirit is as free as the wind, not one to be bound by countless rules and regulations. As I come more and more in touch with my inner self, I have become conscious of my desire to explore myself, the world, and everything in between.
The New Kid
Sooo... I pretty much got sucked into this my friend... Or should I say twin. Apparently, I'm a blog worthy person. I guess some would say that my life is interesting. It is true that there's some new event happening daily.. whether it's getting a police escort home at 3 in the morning or being one of the first Americans to discover the next big Web sensation. I guess I can say that despite how much I might not like it, my life is far from boring. Anyways, FreedomAwaits is now blogging so mission accomplished. Hope you enjoy :)
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