My Return

If you are reading this, you may ask why the return to BlogSpot (which is now Blogger and has been taken over by Google like everything else in the world, it's been that long). The answer is (which can also be found in my other posts) that I return to writing (journaling and blogging) during times of change. I think I find it to be a coping mechanism, especially when I am in a new situation or find myself in a season of change. Which is exactly where I find myself now: 2018. It's a new year. New year, new me, right?

Actually, no. It's a new year, but same me. Same shit, different day. Either way, I'm back bitches. Let's see what 2018 has to offer.

But first, let's do a quick recap of 2017, so you know where we're at.

2017

April - Relationship (AKA 5 year shithole) ended
April - Moved
May- Joined Tinder, Soul Swipe, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel
May - Cozumel, Mexico
June - Joined OkCupid
July - Australia, New Zealand, Hawaii
August - Joined AfriDate
Oct - Promotion
Oct - Dec - Lived in FL
Nov - Accepted into The League (only after being on the waitlist for 2 months)

2018

Jan - Joined Hinge

Deeper Meaning?

I woke up with a headache that was out of this world.. Wondering why my dreams have been getting stranger and stranger. Stress maybe? Who knows? Either way, I've never had a dream as strange as this (that I can recall). Let me share.. Maybe you can give me your input on it.

It all started with returning from a road-trip to Richmond with my family. My mom was driving, like she always does. All of a sudden the sky started to darken, a powerful chill was sent through the air. Nothing was thought of it though as the radio was turned up & the conversations continued. Laughing, joking, the usual interactions between family members. As we continued on our journey home, the wind started to pick up."I didn't know there was supposed to be a bad storm today," my mom questioned. Shoulders shrugged the topic was once again ignored.

This was a draft from March 2, 2011.

I don't recall this dream. I wish I had continued the story. As of lately, I don't have dreams as much or as vividly as I used to. The same goes for the frequency of my headaches. I think my teenage years were some tough times. The constraints that I lived under really put pressure on me and they led to physical repercussions in my opinion. Moral of the story: I won't be putting shackles or undue stress on my children, if I have any.

Summa, Summa, Summatime

This summer has been one for the books. Did I go on some great vacation? No. What did I do? I spent the whole summer in my new, apartment. Spending time with my boyfriend and having so much from. From concerts to sports matches...

This was an old, draft from 2014. Oh, how young and naïve I was. How I thought things were perfect, when in reality I was just living a lie. Looking back at these posts, I wish I had gone with my gut feeling. I wish I had listened to the alarms going off in my head, paid attention to the red flags that continued to pop up.

I didn't though. I stayed, until it all came crashing down. Tears, anger, hatred, hurt. These are all just lessons learned though. 9 months later, I'm a better person now. More mature, more perceiving, maybe a little less vulnerable. It's how things are so clear in retrospect. To this day, scenarios pop into my head that I now can comprehend, ever so clearly.

What I don't understand is how someone can continue to lie and deceive day after day, month after month, year after year. Doesn't that get tiring? How do you keep up with all of the lies? How do you find the time to entertain so many people? How can you continue to keep a façade up for your closest of family and friends? Who is the real you?

Fast forward to today--- here I am, January 15. 2018. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. 24. Single. World traveler. Young Professional. Attractive. Smart. Funny. Looks like I can do bad all myself, huh?

This is true. However, as crappy as the relationship boiled down to being, I miss having that one confidant that you can tell anything to. I miss having that default +1. I miss having that person who knows all there is to know about you.

Will I find this person again? Only time will tell.